Are Lesbians really anti-social and uninvolved?

Are lesbians really more withdrawn from the LGBT Community? I attended an intercompany pride network event and this topic came up. And sadly, I can’t help but agree. Why do gays always outnumber lesbians in LGBT events? Where are the lesbians at? Well, probably at home, snuggled up beside our long time partners, reading books and browsing tumblr. But what do you think would make them come out of their comfy hole and get involved?

I admit, I myself am an introvert who really prefers to browse tumblr, watch videos and pretty much just stay at home. And although I do feel passionately about the LGBT cause, before I didn’t really feel like rallying in the streets or doing something like that. I guess what made me more involved is the availability of channels to show support to LGBT in my company. My work is pretty much my life and having an accessible Pride Network at the office where I spend a good amount of my time really helps make it easier for me.

How about you?

Cheers,

~S

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On Gender Expression

I just recently helped organize an event in our company in celebration of June Pride – a SOGIE 101 session. And in that event, I also was one of the speakers and I was assigned to talk about GENDER EXPRESSION.

Gender Expression, as we know, is the 3rd part of SOGIE. And just to emphasize, let me state the meaning of that here: Sexual Orientation, Gender Identity and Expression.

Being the novice public speaker that I am, I tried to write what I was going to say about this topic in the hopes of delivering a powerful speech to the audience. But, alas, it only proves that, perhaps, I’m really more of a writer than a speaker. Not that it will ever stop be from speaking about topics that I strongly believe anyway.

So, I’ve already delivered this “speech” (though I will be delivering it again in 2 weeks) and I was looking at my notes and thought it would be such a wasted to let what I wrote about Gender Expression just rot in my Evernote files. So here goes, ~

Hi I’m S. My Sexual Orientation is Lesbian, I identify as Genderqueer and I’m here to talk to you about Gender Expression. If Sexual Orientation is who to go to bed with and Gender Identity is who you go to bed as, then Gender Expression is how you are in every waking moment of everyday.

Gender Expression is: what you look like – your clothes, your hair; your mannerisms, facial expression, your voice, they way you talk, your language… pretty everything you seem to the outside world.

Like the other two, Gender Expression is also a spectrum. Each and every one of us has a certain level of masculinity and femininity in our personalities and the way we express ourselves in our daily lives.

Some may have more of one spectrum than the other(cisgenders), some may have both or equal levels while for some (androgynous), these two spectrums change on a day to day basis (Genderfluid).

Gender Expression doesn’t mean that if you are gay you have to act a certain way, it doesn’t mean that you have to always be loud and proud and wear your rainbow colored heart on your sleeve. It only means that you let what’s on the inside flow on the outside and not be held down by other people’s perceptions.

Why is this important?

Imagine a person – a gay person who chooses to cover parts of his personality so as not to reveal their SO or GI – out fear of being judged or ridiculed or prejudiced. Imagine what that person’s day to day would be like. He would probably we spending more time than he should in choosing what to wear, how to modulate his voice, watch his language and do all things that are pretty much synthetic and is not really coming out from what within him.

All that time and energy wasted in covering up a part (an important part) of who he is – wasted. just to pass as normal or not to attract too much unwanted attention from other people.

Now, imagine a person – a gay person who is ruled by such restrictions. He wakes up, prepares for work, throws on his clothes and he’s out the door. He goes about his day as himself without a care in the world, of whether what he’s doing might be disagreeable to other people. And because of that, he has more time and energy that he can dedicate to discovering and living up to his full potential.

So, if you ever wonder again why some people do what they do – Why do they have to be so loud? Why do they have to dress that way knowing that it’s going to cause ridicule or it’s just making it more difficult for them… think about that first person. Think about the inner struggles that that person goes through day after day and how much disadvantage that may cause to fulfilling his dreams. Every one deserves a fair chance in succeeding in life and that is what equality means. “

Cheers,

S

Mistakes for Growth

Mistakes are opportunities for learning. Mistake DOES NOT mean failure or there is something wrong with you. So stop telling yourself, your children/young ones, your partner, your loved ones that you/they are FAILURE(S)! Saying that speaks a lot about you and how you think of yourself. You are great, you are beautiful, you are awesome, you are wonderful and you are lovingly created. Be that person and it will exude the amazing You. Don’t let your mistakes bug you down…ever. Just learn from it and do better. #Thoughts #PinayLesbianMums #PinayLezMums

Random Sunday bonding time!

I always look forward to weekends. Even if it means just bumming around in bed at home. Actually, that’s the definition of a best weekend for me. Just the four of us, lying lazily in bed in front of the TV. Everyone might be doing their own thing- K would probably be drawing or browsing in her phone, the little queen playing with her toys all over the place, Hurricane would probably be playing minecraft in his tablet while glancing occasionally at the tv while I am probably snoozing, but the important thing is that we’re all together.

But when we do go out, we usually end up going to the mall. Here’s clip of how we usually spend a weekend out of the house. You’ll notice that there’s a certain place in the mall that we always like to go and have fun in – both children and the adults.

Always make the most of your weekends!

Cheers, S.

A well deserved time off…

We usually don’t travel as a couple given our budget limitations and because we didn’t have anyone reliable to take care of our baby while we’re gone. But then we got a decent nanny and since it was our 4th anniversary, we thought we deserved a time off.

For this trip we just mostly stayed in at a reasonable priced hotel – Tagaytay Wingate Manor. We ate at RSM Lutong Bahay along Aguinaldo Highway which showcases a breathtaking view of taal lake & volcano while you eat. We also got to try for the first time the much talked about Bag of Beans.

Also, we got to talk more in this video. We talked about our budget and saving strategy (which I tend to do a lot) and how we really are as a couple.

Cheers, S.

One of life’s simple pleasures…

One of the best things about rearing a child is introducing her to new things and experiences. Here’s just one of them that I got to capture on video… the day I showed her to dunk oreos in milk…

I hope I get to capture more moments like these in the future. It would be fun to make videos of them and then show it to them when they’re a bit older. I imagine a few years down the road I would be rewatching them to reminisce too.

Cheers, S

Life’s too short to wait!
Live the life you want to live
Be the change you want to be ->

Subscribe -> https://www.youtube.com/c/PinayLesbianMums

Watch more -> http://goo.gl/4azgVA

Twitter https://twitter.com/PinayLezMums

Check us out at our You Tube channel!

And so we decided to venture into another form of media. And I must say it’s actually made it easier for us to share our lives with you. When you’re a parent and working full time, you could hardly find the time for other things like your passion and hobbies, specially when our little girl was still a baby.

But discovering the world of youtube has opened up a whole new world of opportunities for us in making this work and not taking so much of our precious time and effort. For now, we just film using our phone cameras (Samsung Note 3) and we are just using Windows Movie Maker for lack of any other software to edit videos with. But at least we’re doing it. Consistently, it seems. And it’s actually so much fun.

Yes, it still takes a lot of time to edit and in fact, we do already have a few backlogs already that I’m trying to catch up on. But what’s important is that finally I think we’ve found our groove in this “blogging thing” that we’ve always wanted to do but never really found the time and energy for.

What we really wanted is to share our lives whoever may need to see it. Show you how life is for lesbians on the other side of the globe. Where marriage equality doesn’t exist. Where the Catholic Church almost runs the nation and a lot of modern ideas are still taboo. The last country where divorce isn’t even legal.

Anyway, here is our very first vlog entry. Our first time to join the Pride March. We wanted to show our support to Metro Manila Pride. And we brought our kids along. We wanted to “come out” as a lesbian family, hoping that our presence somehow would bring hope to others that there you can live a full life even as a lesbian. We also wanted to show our eldest the LGBT community and help him feel comfortable in it. We hope you enjoy!

Cheers, S

Life’s too short to wait!
Live the life you want to live
Be the change you want to be ->

Subscribe -> https://www.youtube.com/c/PinayLesbianMums

Watch more -> http://goo.gl/4azgVA

Twitter https://twitter.com/PinayLezMums

Happy Coming Out Day!

Coming out has been one of the scariest experiences in my life. The fact that most people I care about will not understand who I really am and what I am going through makes it more difficult. There is a sad misconception that being LGBTQ is a “choice” – and I am perpetually judged because I am in love with a woman. I felt that I have been looked down by people because they say it was against my faith in Abba. It takes guts, courage and heaps of prayers and support to withstand such. I know that I am being judged still – but being who I am in this short life made me take a stand. It isn’t wrong to be who you are or to love someone because you live a life of truth. This is a gift you give yourself. I know in my heart that Abba loves me the way I am – no more, no less – because He loves me UNCONDITIONALLY.

I am blessed to have come out of the closet. I was scared like crap but it was all worth it. I was able to filter out and keep the greatest and most wonderful people in my life. I lost friends but I met more beautiful people along the way. They have the hearts of gold – and those people are definitely worth keeping.

No, I won’t shove my sexuality down your throat because that isn’t right. What I am showing the world is the real me – so I may live freely.

There is something I ask of you though. If you know someone who is LGBTQ – open your minds and hearts to them. Being queer isn’t the entirety of who they are – but merely a portion of who they are. Embrace their queerness. Think of it this way, the reason why they have shown you their real selves is because they wanted to live a life of liberty and truth. They just wanted to be comfortable in their skin and they trust you enough. So go ahead – support and love them! You never know how much your acceptance really is to them – or should I say, to us.

Happy Coming Out Day!

If I Had My Child to Raise Over Again (Diane Loomans)

If I had my child to raise all over again,

I’d build self esteem first, and the house later.

I’d fingerpaint more, and point the finger less.

I would do less correcting and more connecting.

I’d take my eyes off my watch, and watch with my eyes.

I would care to know less and know to care more.

I’d take more hikes and fly more kites.

I’d stop playing serious, and seriously play.

I would run through more fields and gaze at more stars.

I’d do more hugging and less tugging.

I’d see the oak tree in the acorn more often.

I would be firm less often, and affirm much more.

I’d model less about the love of power,

And more about the power of love.

Our family collaborative art

image

Something we plan to do more together… We sat down around a piece of cardboard and drew on our own spaces. K did the heart family, Hurricane (our son) did the cool blonde boy on the left, K’s cousin, who takes care of our baby, drew the small person on the right. I drew one of the few things I can draw (blue rose on the right). Our lil’ queen, the budding abstract artist, drew the rest.

We wanted to introduce our lil’ girl to coloring and drawing this early. And now she’s been drawing on almost every surface, including our TV screen. Thank god we got washable crayons.

Thoughts on Rebound

Last night, I had a talk with S about rebounds and she made me realize something: A rebound is not a one-woman show.

Rebound goes two ways: a woman’s vulnerability and the other, her blind pursuit of love through “advantage”.

We shouldn’t just blame one for the actions of both. Why am I referring to both having faults? One was too vulnerable that she opens her heart to love – in a possibility of forgetting the love she has lost; whilst the other, pursues love and gets attracted to someone so frail – empowering her to take full control of circumstances.

Heartbreaks like wounds take time to heal. The lesson at hand is for us to take things slowly & respect the time and space for either of the party. This is so we can be consciously cautious of our decisions and not run into a radical change of something we really could not fight or stand for. And on the other hand, we should not also take advantage of the frailty of that person we love so as to get what we want. If we really love the person, we should give her time to open up her heart truly – and not temporarily, just to sugarcoat things up and dive into a possible heartbreak.

Heartbreaks should not beget another pain. Instead, it should be a rainbow of hope for someone who needs to find herself. And loving again should be a refreshing yet lovely moment for two people, just because they both deserve it.

And for friends of both parties? I guess it is not our prerogative to blame one for the other. Disappointments are there indeed, but I guess all we have to do is to be there for them and empathize. We are not really here to point fingers of who did wrong or what. Support is what they need.

Counting the days before a new year…

I honestly feel jittery over excitement. In a few days, I will be turning thirty-ish. Ha! I am semi-proud of my age because I am self-proclaiming that I don’t look like one!

Kidding aside, birthdays have always been uneasy for me. Probably because I bombard myself with massive self-expectations and life reflections. I tend to be on a spiral breakdown every time my birthday is a peek away.

Please don’t judge me for not being thankful for another year. I actually am. I am up for more adventures to come. Being in a series of wakes this year reiterated the fact that life is too short so might as well enjoy it whilst it lasts.

I guess I am just being cynical sometimes. It’s that other side of me which serves as a gravitational pull to reality.

But hey, it’s a new year and there is still another happy side that believes in new breakthroughs, new hopes, new phase, new beginnings, new life. I have so much faith in the Creator that I know He will continue to work on me – to make the best out of me.

Another chapter is about to unravel in a few days…

And before anything else, please let me tell you this:

As a late-bloomer, I really appreciate the fact that I have more support than what I could have had if I decided to be out in my earlier years. I guess now is the right time for me. I found the perfect woman, got beautiful and loving children, received support from my Mum and maternal family (although it somehow remains unspoken of in the household) and most of all, I get to meet more inspiring queers both personally and online. Being out has been one of the bravest decisions I have had in my life and I want to personally thank you, my readers, for being one of those people who made this easier for me – amidst the societal judgements.
I am truly grateful for having you as part of my life. From the bottom of my heart, thank you.