In a world full of prejudice and judgements, being a lesbian mom has been a constant struggle. There will always be social stigma, whether recognized or not. Getting used to the odd stares, the second look, the puzzled faces and the raised eyebrows took time –
’twas actaully longer than expected.
I “came out” around 2 years ago and friends – most especially LUGs (Lesbians Until Graduation)- seemed to not understand who I am right now. They’d think that this is merely a phase like what had happened to them in the past. It is simply an illusion, they emphasize. There were some hopes that I’d get back to my “heterosexual self ” and live a so-called “normal” life. Some even believed that my faith was not strong enough that I gave in to what God has “not” planned for me. I know for a fact that I am a well-rounded person and I have not lost faith on my Creator.
Sadly, I did that most of my life. Was hiding in a closet – confused and had no one to talk to about how it is being gay. It seemed like I was in a box of restrictions, trying not to even entertain “gay thoughts”. I have had major crushes on women (Angelina Jolie tops my list *wide grin*) but it stops there. I thought that lesbianism is merely a state of mind that can easily be changed and liking women is not more than admiration. I even have had 2 lady “suitors” back in college but did not entertain them because of fear. I had to, simply because I want to be accepted, to be loved.
Don’t get me wrong. My Mom loves me so much and so did my Dad (God bless his soul). But being gay is utterly different.
There is a certain level of tolerance a parent has to meet in accepting a gay child of who he or she is.
Why do I know this? Because I am a parent myself. I have learned throughout this maternal journey that major adjustments are needed to accept who your child really is. In my opinion, it will be a lie if parents do not have expectations of their children. Acceptance of meeting that expectation and having a different outcome is a challenge in itself. What more when having a gay child?
Now that I am already grown with a lovely partner and 2 beautiful children, I suppose my Mom accepted me. Not entirely, but the support is there.
I think what really helped is my self-acceptance. I owe it to God and my partner. He gave me her and she helped me go through this journey of acceptance and self-love. She taught me lessons about what reality offers us. It is indeed a matter of choice. That choice of accepting who you are over what society expect you to be.
Now, I want to impart this to our children and our family. Acceptance has played a major role in our lives. The fact that my eldest son accepted me of who I am is one of the most amazing things that had happened in my life. I am praying that I could do the same for him and for our daughter too.
Having a great support system is a big plus. They boost you up simply because they believe in you. And I am just so grateful I have that.
Acceptance is not merely approval. It entails consent, agreement, admission. With acceptance, faith follows. A strong belief that one can make things happen. No matter who you are.
And honestly, if I haven’t accepted myself, I should’ve merely existed in a lie.